


saudade

by TrashcanGod



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Drabble, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Non-Chronological, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-04
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-10-22 11:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17662046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrashcanGod/pseuds/TrashcanGod
Summary: This is war. Not everyone gets what they deserve.(Spoilers for KH3 ending)





	saudade

Riku and Kairi are the ones to break the news to Sora's mother. It's only when she looks confused and a little bit sad, and says, "I don't believe I know a Sora," do they realize what the price for tipping the balance truly was.

Kairi is the one who knows what to say next, because she always is. "Oh, I'm sorry," she covers quickly, Riku shell-shocked and still beside her. "We thought you knew him."

"Ah, well... Whoever he was, I'm sorry for your loss."

If Kairi's smile and her polite "thank you very much" are strained, Sora's mother blames it on grief for a loved one.  _Their_ loved one; a person whose name sounds vaguely familiar to her, and yet she can't quite place it.

When the two hear the door close behind them, fat tears begin welling up in Kairi's eyes and roll down her cheeks. She can tell by his shaky breaths that Riku is the same. They don't know who grabs the other's hand first, but neither lets go for a very long time.

 

* * *

 

Kairi returned from the dead one month after she had shattered.

When Sora had found her, she had been nothing but a shining light, floating and dormant. Once she gained awareness, standing on a round platform of stained glass, Sora's blinding (if a bit tired) smile was the first thing she saw. Together, they lifted the Kingdom Key, each with one hand on its hilt. Kairi glanced over at him as a doorway formed, and he grinned at her one last time before she had to shield her eyes from the light.

When her eyes opened, she was standing on the beach where she and her friends had once played in their innocence. The Keyblade was held by her alone.

One month after she had been broken like glass, Kairi found herself shattering once more.

 

* * *

 

Though it's difficult to do so without subconsciously forming rescue plans, Riku and Kairi spend the majority of their time together. It hurts to be missing a piece, but they need each other now more than ever.

"If he's out there," Kairi says after they retreated from their failed death notification, "I want to save him. I don't want him to be alone."

They're both lying in bed, staring at Riku's ceiling, set aflame by the sunset outside. Riku sighs shakily, long out of tears by this point. "I know," he says quietly. "But we can't. He abused the Power of Waking, and had to pay the price to restore balance." He's quoting King Mickey, and what he's had to remind all of them of multiple times since Kairi's resurrection.

"Besides," he continues, "we don't even know if he's out there at all. He could be..."

He doesn't want to say  _gone_ for all the context it entails, but he knows that Kairi hears it anyway. She sniffles beside him in acquiescence.

"Do you..." she begins hesitantly after a moment. "Do you think that if he hadn't saved me, this wouldn't have happened?"

Riku wants to lash at that, unable to even consider the possibility of letting Kairi be dead, though Sora's death has always been just as unthinkable. Instead, he says, "I think it would have. Xehanort's younger self was already taunting him about a price before that, and Sora..."

He remembers the look in Sora's eyes as he stated his mission to find Kairi one more time: the resolution, the courage, the look of a man ( _a boy, he was only a boy_ ) prepared for the inevitable. He remembers his last words to them, a simple "Thank you," said with a smile much smaller and more tender than his usual grin. Soft eyes that said,  _"not just for this, but for everything."_

"I think he already knew what was coming, or at least had a feeling," Riku admits softly. "Delaying it to save you..."

Riku breathes a laugh. "I think that was just his final _fuck you_ to the laws of reality."

At that, Kairi laughs, watery though it may be, before rolling over to curl into his side. Riku instinctively wraps an arm around her, and smiles; if Sora can't be here, he's glad he's able to make Kairi laugh in his place.

 

* * *

 

 

Kairi said that when they opened the portal, she and Sora had followed the light of those who had gathered there in Destiny Islands, the Guardians of Light and their assorted friends.

In the end, those beacons are the only ones to remember.

They soon find that those who interacted with Sora more recently have at least a faint idea of him, though the memories are fuzzy. Ienzo seems to feel guilty that he can't quite remember the face of the boy who had done so much for all of them. Isa feels guilty that he of all people is one of the few who can.

(Hayner, Pence, and Olette were there on the beach, and so are relieved that this time, they can at least remember the friend they've lost; but still, they are devastated that they've lost another friend at all.)

It's painful for everyone involved when they discover another individual whose memories have been damaged, like rubbing over a wound that never gets the chance to scab over. When they found Luxord, reborn anew, he could only remember wisps of a boy by whom he'd been promised another game. (For the rest of his new life, he will mourn for the fact that they never got the chance to play.)

Upon finding Larxene (and with her, Marluxia), they were unable to breach the subject before she began struggling through her altered memories, quickly growing frustrated with the lack of detail.

"Where's..." she began to question before frowning in confusion. "The kid, the--the short one. Kinda... spiky?"

They told her he had died, almost every trace of him traded for the balance of the universe. She looked shocked--one of her first real emotions in years and it's sadness of all things--for only a brief moment before covering it with a weak scowl.

"Well how the hell is that fair..."

And she's right, they all think--it really isn't fair at all. It's unfair that they all died five minutes into the final battle, and it's unfair that Sora's entire existence was the price to bring them back for a second chance.

It isn't fair that Ventus will never repay him for sheltering his heart for so long.

It isn't fair that Roxas will always feel like half of him is missing.

It isn't fair that Kairi and Riku will forever be a trio left incomplete.

It isn't fair that the boy who did so much for the sake of others, who shined light on the lives of so many, is left to be forgotten.

He deserves more than a Keyblade buried beneath a stone, unmarked save for a simple three-point crown.

He deserves to be honored for his key role in saving the many worlds.

He deserves to be mourned by more than only them.

**Author's Note:**

> Tbh I had a feeling from the very beginning that this would end with Sora dying, but it still hit me pretty damn hard. You thought Xion's death hurt? Well brace your ass buddy because here comes the big one.
> 
> Even so, I don't really have any hopes for him coming back (sorry hopeful fix-it fics)--partially because that would kinda defeat the purpose of restoring the balance (after he, ya know, fucked with the natural order and also killed a fucking reaper), and also because I really can't think of any better way to definitively end the story. Like, this is it boys. He died. The end.
> 
> Anyway here's a drabble I spit out because we need some grieving fics up in here (and also because I had this whole idea for what the real price he had to pay was because lbr just dying might not cut it)
> 
> hmu on twitter [@libralibrum](https://twitter.com/libralibrum) if you wanna support me and my art/future writing (I'm working on a novel and I haven't publicly tweeted about it much but it's an urban-fantasy and also gay)


End file.
